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May. 8th, 2008 | 12:53 am

Me as a dude (with chapstick all over my face a.k.a dem cum lips).   This is how I look  when I go to bed.

Me as Carl a.k.a. Slingblade.  Mm hmm, muhterd.

Myself as a fat ass mowing down some Temptation and making stupid faces.

That's my focused, internet face.

As you can see, I take lots of photos of myself.  In my defense, this is like over a span of 3 weeks... which I guess really isn't that long

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this may totally freak out M

May. 4th, 2008 | 10:43 pm

So, I may not be a mom to any human children, but I think as the primary caretaker of my kitty, Bijou; I may qualify for receiving some Mother's Day gifts.  I suppose all you animal haters may not believe Mother's Day applies to me, but if you're interested in buying a present with my name on it, this still could be a great excuse for you.  Below I've written a kick ass baking gift guide for myself and my darling feline daughter.  Kitty may not technically eat anything outside of Kibbles and potato chips, but I bet if she had the ability to actually taste sugar, she'd totally max on my baked goods all day.



In the color "Ice", please!




I'd like the confetti multi-colored.  :)

(the tiniest one)


And if not for me, for Kitty!

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Chocolate Cognac Cake with Cognac Icing

Mar. 24th, 2008 | 07:56 pm

Chocolate Cognac Cake

    This cake is super easy and super tasty.  Michael bought a large bottle of Hennessy at Christmas for eggnog.  Being the non-drinkers that we are, there is still like 99% of the bottle left.  So now I utilize it in basically everything I bake.  :)  Feel free to substitute another liquor for the Cognac, or replace it with an extra teaspoon of vanilla extract.  This recipe yeilds enough batter for two cakes.  I use 6 inch, circular baking pans.


1 3/4 cups flour
3/4 cup cocoa
1 1/2 teaspoons baking soda
3/4 teaspoon salt
3/4 cup Earth Balance or other vegan buttery product
2 cups sugar
4 "eggs" * (This is one of the few recipes I will use Ener-G Egg replacer in.  Feel free to substitute with any egg replacer.)
1 1/2 cups almond milk (or your favorite almond milk)
1 teaspoon vinegar
2 tablespoons chocolate syrup (I use Ahh-laska)
1 teaspoon vanilla
2 teaspoon cognac


1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees Fahrenheit.  Grease and flour bottom and sides of two round cake pans.
2. Sift together THREE times**, the flour, cocoa, baking soda and salt.  Set in bowl to the side.
3. Make your "buttermilk".  In a dish to the side, add your vinegar to your almond milk and allow to curdle.
4. Cream your butter, sugar, chocolate syrup, vanilla and cognac together with a hand mixer.
5. Add your EGGS* to the butter mixture.  If you are using Ener-G, turn your hand mixer on low and mix only
'til incorporated.
6. Add half your flour mixture and half your buttermilk to the butter mixture and mix until incorporated.  Add the other half of the flour mixture and buttermilk and mix until smooth.
7.  Pour your batter evenly into both of the baking pans.  Bake in the oven for about 55 minutes.
8. Remove the cakes from the oven and allow to cool for a few minutes and then remove onto a cooling rack (or clean surface if you don't own a cooling rack, like me :)).
9. Keep cakes cooling and begin to make Icing.

* When using Ener-G, the ratio of powder to water is 1.5 teaspoons:1 Tablespoon.  So, for this recipe, use 2 TB egg replacer and 4 tablespoon VERY WARM water.  Combine them in a cup or small bowl.  Use a CLEAN whisk attached to your hand mixer and place it into the egg solution and beat until VERY fluffy.  You can also use a fork and beat until very fluffy.
** Sifting the flour will make it extra light and fluffy.  I highly suggest sifting but if you don't care that is fine, too. :)

Cognac Icing

    Same as the cake, this icing will be plenty tasty without the Cognac.  You may replace it with another liquor or a teaspoon of vanilla extract or any flavouring.  This recipe yeilds enough icing to frost two cakes, plus about a half cup extra for decoration.


3/4 cup room temperature Earth Balance or other vegan margarine
4 1/2 cups powdered sugar
Pinch of salt
Pinch of cinnamon
1 tablespoon cognac
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
1-2 tablespoons of almond milk (or your favorite non-dairy milk)


1. Cream the butter for about 1-2 minutes or until extra smooth.
2. Add a cup of the sugar, followed by the cinnamon, salt, cognac and vanilla extract.
3. Continue to add the sugar one half  cup at a time and continue to beat.
4.  You frosting should be creamy, but not watery. 
If you notice the frosting becoming stiff, add a teaspoon or two of the almond milk.
5.  Your done!  Set this to the side covered with saran wrap until your cakes have completely cooled!

Assembling your Cake

    Once your cake has cooled completely, use a serrated knife to cut off the rounded tops to the cakes.  Place one of the cakes, bottom side up, onto your platter.  Surround the base with parchment paper to keep the platter clean.  Ice the top of the cake.
    Place the second cake, bottom side up, on top of the 1st cake.  Ice the sides of the cake, followed by the top.
    Use your remaining icing to decorate your cake.  I added a few tablespoons of raspberry jam to the remaining icing for color and flavor.  Put the icing into a frosting bag and decorate!  Voila!  You are done.  :)

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Lemon Almond Scones

Mar. 17th, 2008 | 01:32 pm

Quick + Easy Lemon Almond Scones

    I was really in the mood to make scones this morning, but much to my dismay, I only had about three quarters of a cup of flour in my entire apt.  At first I thought I was out of luck because I thought I had no other grains besides corn meal.  Then I realized I had a packet of oats!  You may omit the oats in this recipe + replace it with more flour if you so desire, but make sure you adjust the liquid amount accordingly, as well.  This recipe yields only 4 scones due the lack-of-flour situation.  However, it easily doubles.  But if you're like me + don't like storing a bunch of baked goods in the kitchen all the time, this is a perfect amount for 1 or 2 people!  =D


- 2-3 tablespoons warmed vegan butter (i like Earth Balance)
- zest of half lemon
- juice of half lemon
- 1/4 teaspoon vanilla extract

- 1/4 cup sugar

- 3/4 cup white wheat flour
- 1/4 cup quick oats
- 1 teaspoon baking powder
- pinch of salt
- 2 tablespoons slices almonds*

- 1-3 tablespoons almond milk


    1.  Preheat your oven to 375 degrees fahrenheit.
    2.  Use a hand mixer to cream your butter.  Add lemon zest + juice, vanilla extract + sugar to the butter.  Now mix it until well incorporated (30 seconds to a minute).
    3.  Put your handmixer to the side; you no longer need it!  Grab a fork, though.
    4.  Mix your flour, oats, baking powder, salt + almonds together in a separate bowl.
    5.  Add the flour mixture to the butter mixture.  Use your fork to fold in the dry ingredients just 'til everything is well incorporated.
    6.  Your mixture is probably pretty dry.  You don't want your dough to be so dry that it's crumbly, BUT, you still want it dry enough so that when you pick it up with your hands it is
malleable + not sticky.  Add your almond milk by tablespoon, mixing inbetween, until it's that consistency.  :)
    7. Divide your dough into 4 parts.  Roll each part into a sphere or whatever shape you like**.  Place on a cookie sheet +
sprinkle a little sugar on top.  Bake for 12-16 minutes or until slightly browned.
    8.  Cool + eat!

*If you're looking for something a little different, you could easily omit the almonds + replace them with 1 tablespoon poppyseeds.  Lemon Poppyseed scones would kick ass.
**Sadly, my recipe is too wet to roll out into a disc and then cut into triangles.  Perhaps if you add more flour it will be dry enough to do so!  Otherwise, you could always shape into triangles.

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Chocolate Milk Frosting

Mar. 13th, 2008 | 04:16 pm

I am sure everyone who reads this blog is DYING to know more vegan recipes, and since I am unemployed + super bored, I will take that role for the time being to share some of my favorite recipes.  :)  I understand like, no one reads my blog anyways, but if this annoys anyone, let me know, cause I'll just make a recipe blog that isn't devoted to bitching about my life.  :)  And I'll only share the URL with freaky vegan friends.

Now, onto...


Cupcakes kick ass.  I love them because I love everything miniature.  Since I love everything miniature, I try to keep an eye on how much I eat to.  Cupcakes are great because you always know how much you ate.  It's not like "Oh, was that a big slice of cake, a medium one?  Two layer or three layer??? hmmm"... you always know how much you ate.  Even if you already ate two this afternoon like I did.  :)  Plus, if you are making them for a group, you always know how many to bake.
Oh, + of course, they are cute as hell.

I used the recipe for the Golden Vanilla cupcakes from Vegan Cupcakes Take Over the World.  They taste great.  If you don't already own the book, go check it out @ the library or buy it!  It has amazingly tasty recipes + beautiful photos.  It's also not one of those vegan cookbooks that call for crazy shit all the time like tofu + "egg replacer" + vegan yogurt (though they may at times).  It's really easy recipes with ingredients
usually everyone always has on hand.
If you don't have access to this recipe, there are tons of great cake recipes online, too! =) =) =)

Chocolate Milk Frosting

    I just made this up today.  It's a bit different than plain chocolate frosting.  Mostly because of the chocolate sauce + cinnamon.  I think it really balances out the flavor to make it both richer + fuller tasting than ordinary chocolate frosting.
    This recipe makes a smaller batch of frosting.  This should be enough to cover 12 cupcakes with the amount shown in the photos.  If you need mountains of it, make more!!!


- 3/8 cup room temperature veggie butter like Earth Balance (3/8 c. is equal to 3/4 of a stick)
- 2 cups powdered sugar
- 1/4 cup dutch cocoa
- 3 tablespoons of chocolate syrup (you don't need this but this is what makes it taste good like chocolate milk... :) just add a bit more almond milk       otherwise... btw, I use Ahhh-laska because it's yummy and corn syrup free)
- 1-3 tablespoons almond milk (start with one til you get the desired fluffiness or wetness you wish)
- Sprinkle of Salt
- 2 tsp vanilla
- Dash of cinnamon

Sweet Creaming Directions

       1.  After your butter has warmed up a bit* + your cupcakes are in the oven, begin to cream your butter either by hand, your fancy ass KitchenAid mixer, or, your modest yet, very manageable, hand mixer like me!
       2.  Sift your powdered sugar**, cocoa and cinnamon into a separate bowl.
       3.  Add your chocolate syrup, salt, vanilla and half your sugar mixture into the cream butter.  Mix 'til
       4.  Add the other half of the sugar mixture and beat for a few minutes (2-3) to make it fluffy w/ air.  If you are mixing by hand, do this for a while until you're happy with the consistency.
       5. Your cupcakes are probably baked now!  Pull them out + let them cool!  If you frost when they're still warm, the frosting'll melt + that's gross!  Pull them out of the tin after a few minutes and place them in the fridge if you're inpatient like me.  It's best to put them on a cooling rack.  The sides of the cupcakes need to breath, otherwise moisture gets stuck inside the paper + that's what causes your cake to stick to the paper.
       6. Now that you understand how to let heat dissipate properly - frost your cupcakes.  I like to pipe*** my frosting on.  You can also spread it on.  Either way is tasty!  Now just cover them in sprinkles + fun stuff!

*As taboo as it is, I rarely let the butter warm.  I just cream it extra well to get it flowing.  I've read you actually get a better product if you do let it warm, but it's very hard to pre-warm for impromptu cooking.
**I use a colander + just shake it to sift.  You could also use a "sifter"- which has on only, are a pain in the ass + needless to mention- ugly.  So just get a cheap, cute, fine mesh colander @ Target for like 3 dollars like I've done.  Not only can you use it to sift flour + sugar, but to drain pasta obviously, and also sift powdered sugar over brownies + cakes to dust them with the tasty white powder.  Lastly, if you do not have any sort of sifting advice- fuck it.  It just removes lumps + makes the frosting smoother + airy-er.  Without it, it still chocolaty, fatty, and sugary, so who cares?
***Frosting kits are cheap.  Wilton makes an array coming with a bag or several disposable bags and a few piping tips.  You can buy them at Target for less than 5 bucks usually.  They are also sold at craft stores + Williams Sonoma... but Target is way more badass.

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Michael wants your opinion on his rack!

Dec. 19th, 2007 | 11:37 pm

What's your favorite combo?

Poll #1108951 Rate my Rack!

Which rack is prettiest???


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:) :) :) :) :)

Nov. 23rd, 2007 | 09:51 am

I'm getting a Christmas tree today!!!

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P... I kind of rigged this.

Sep. 30th, 2007 | 04:23 pm

comment and i will give you a letter. find ten of your favorite things that begin with that letter, and post them in your journal. molkos_bitch gave me an P.

1. PJ Harvey, phirst + phoremost. She's the best evarrrr.
2. Picking - I like ripping dots off people's skin with my finger nails. =D
3. Penne - Yummo.
4. Pumps - I love shoes... sadly I'm poor.
5. Pumpkin Pound Cake - I make a really bad ass pumpkin loaf w/ choco chips. It's delish.
6. Piano - I like playing piano w/ lots of sustain because that's the only way it sounds o.k.
7. Painting - enjoyable but i'm terrible.
8. Pounding Around - "Stop pounding around!!!"
9. Potato Products - Baked, mashed, fried, whatever. I love them covered in ketchup or slathered in veggie butter.
10. Purple! - It's been one of my favorite colors since I was like 2. :)

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Aug. 25th, 2006 | 09:48 pm

You Are an Espresso

At your best, you are: straight shooting, ambitious, and energetic

At your worst, you are: anxious and high strung

You drink coffee when: anytime you're not sleeping

Your caffeine addiction level: high

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Bijou photos.

Jul. 29th, 2006 | 03:02 am

None of these photos came out well. She closes her eyes in all the flash photos + the other ones are very dark. She is also sleepy in a lot of these. She usually doesn't seem so bummed. =D

This video doesn't show up well but her purring is amazingly adorable:

Bijou does this silly thing, where she'll be playing with a toy, + then she will just flop over to get down closer with it... :)

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